The Azkaban Diaries
by cruciyo
Summary: Sirius Black; innocent, yet convicted for a crime that has landed him a life time in Azkaban. With only his remaining memories for company, he spends his days thinking back to his time at Hogwarts, where James and Lily were alive, Remus still believed him to be innocent and Peter was on their side.


Day 1

Azkaban- such a filthy place. The prisoners are insane and the guards are the cause. There is no peace in this hell-hole. It is a method of torture; a method that I have been subjected to for the rest of my life.

In fact, it isn't a prison. It's an asylum. Upon arriving coiled in chains, the echoes of my inmates' screams confirmed that it is truly impossible to remain sane within these walls. With the Dementors scoping every inch of the prison, no happy memory is intact. I knew straight away that these walls only contained depressing memories, mad-men and rather well-fed prison guards.

The prospect of losing my mind churned at my insides, but I guess you could say I was already mad when I turned up at the doors. The fact that the Potters were dead with Peter Pettigrew responsible was such a monstrosity. James was my brother._ I was innocent!_ Did no one understand that the idea of me betraying my brother was utter nonsense? Was it not clear? Is nobody left to recall my loyalty to James and Lily?

If only Remus was here to prove my innocence, but stupidly I had cut him out of the plan. How I could ever have assumed him to have been the spy, I do not know… it was Pettigrew all along…

And hatred and loathing coursed through my veins, flaring up my muscles and screaming at my organs.

"PETTIGREW!" I bellowed into the iron bars that held me captive. "_PETTIGREW!"_

I had been sat in my cell for minutes before I joined in with my inmates, screaming to nobody about my inward torture. I bet the Dementors love my pain; it was easy to envision them laughing at my already-lost sanity.

But I wasn't insane. Not yet. I refused to turn to madness- I was innocent. The Dementors can try with all their might, but they will never suck that out of me. It is not a happy memory. It is a solid fact.

Dissolving into tears, I thought about James and Lily and how they were dead. Being too driven to avenge them by murdering Pettigrew, I had forgotten to take some time to grieve for my loss. I guess I had my whole life to do so, now.

Rather ironic, isn't it? I set out to commit a crime, didn't commit it but got imprisoned for it anyway. Oh, and with the added lies of betrayed the Potters, and murdering twelve other muggles. There was no trial for me. I was simply subjected immediately to Azkaban. Pettigrew transformed into a rat and scuttled away merely hours ago.

_I hope he gets snapped in a mouse-trap_, I thought savagely. _Or eaten by a cat_. _I hope his death is drawn out by pain and long-term suffering, the absolute bastard._

Just thinking about James and Lily makes me ill. I threw up when I saw the house lay in ruins, thinking about the three bodies I would inevitably find. But Harry lived, Lord knows why… when I approached his bedroom, Harry was sat in his cot, oblivious to the situation, but pleased to see me… I held him in my arms and wept into his hair as I huddled him into my chest, thanking everything Holy that he had survived. I never wanted to let go of him, but Hagrid insisted that he was to go live with his aunt.

And there he will grow up believing that I, his godfather, is a traitor and a murderer. How repulsive. That is, presuming that Harry grows up knowing about the wizarding world at all. I know all too well about Petunia's obsession with muggle-normalilty, and her disgust with wizard kind… and Harry was being subjected to that… all because of Pettigrew…

"WORMTAIL!"I screamed, livid. But as the hours passed, I could feel myself losing all sense of anger. I was being deprived of all emotion other than sadness.

More than anything, I wished that I had never met Peter Pettigrew. I could picture that very day so perfectly in my head… I supposed that memory was still there as, though it was a happy memory, it led to me feeling very awful. My first day of Hogwarts stuck out so brightly against all happy memories that had been sucked out of my head…

* * *

"Well, on you get, Sirius."

His mother wasn't a sentimental woman. Being offered a good-bye hug or a simple 'good luck!' was a preposterous idea. They had an awful relationship; she was cruel and he mischievous. Sirius' childhood was spent wreaking havoc, causing her to blast out cold words of fury, leading him to despise her. So, it wasn't at all difficult for him to hop on to The Hogwarts Express and wave goodbye. After receiving a cold smile in response to his enthusiastic waving, he turned around and didn't spare her a backwards glance. She had probably already left the platform.

Having stowed his luggage in the appropriate area, Sirius found himself sat down in an empty compartment. Frankly, he had arrived very early; there were only about twenty other students here, and most were still with their families. The train was due to leave in twenty-four minutes.

It was rather impossible to hide his excitement- he had spent his entire conscious life desperate to board this very train and live inside the magical castle Hogwarts, and finally, he was on his way. Being away from his family for 11 months was an added bonus.

The train began to fill up, with most people ignoring his free compartment and moving on. However, six minutes before the train was due to leave, the second inhabitant slid his door open and sniffed a small-

"Do you mind?"

Sirius looked up to see a tiny first year, like himself, with flaming red hair and bright green eyes- both of which were tear-filled. Slightly jealous at her emotional departure from her family, his 'not at all' was snappier than it usually would be.

"Oh… it doesn't matter," She began, turning to leave.

"No, I'm sorry," Sirius sighed. "Don't just stand there like an idiot, take a seat," He told her, smiling at her. Possibly feeling like she'd rather have just moved on, she sat down on the opposing corner to him, not uttering another word. _I've pissed someone off already,_ the boy grumbled to himself. He tried to ignore her sniffles.

The next inhabitant slid the door open not long after the red-head, with mousy-brown hair and a very thin frame. His eyes were heavy and his face looked very worn. He repeated the red-head's words;

"Do you mind?"

"Nope," Sirius told him. Once the boy took a seat quite far away from both the other inhabitants, Sirius popped the question "What're your names?"

"Lily," The girl said shortly.

"I'm Remus," The boy smiled at Sirius, before pulling a book out of his back-pack and beginning to read it. "And you?" He spoke distractedly, focused on the pages.

"Sirius," He sighed, realising he was sat with two very dull people. He felt it necessary to liven the conversation, when…

"Hope I'm not interrupting this cosy yet very awkward and silent gathering, but can I join you all?" A voice spoke from the still-open door. All three heads looked up to stare at the source of this obscenely confident voice, noticing a rather tall, yet obvious first year, black haired boy wearing a pair of circular glasses. Lily huffed. The tall boy ignored her.

"Depends on whether or not you'll be silent, too. This level of quiet is going to kill me." Sirius grinned. Now _this_ guy seemed fun to talk to- Sirius felt suddenly determined to befriend him.

"Wouldn't dream of it," The boy replied, shutting the door behind him before sitting opposite to Sirius. "I'm James. Who are you lot then?"

"Lily," The girl repeated flatly.

"Remus," He repeated vaguely, slightly frustrated at this new distraction from his book.

"I'm Sirius. This lot are a right laugh, here see, tell us a joke Lily!"

Lily stared blankly at Sirius, before her eyes narrowed.

"I doubt any joke I told you would amuse you; you seem incredibly immature and rather dim," She snapped. James let out a low whistle.

"Ouch," Sirius mocked.

"What a bundle of laughs!" James applauded enthusiastically, but did keep an eye on the girl whilst she sat there in silence. Remus kept reading his book.

"So, are you muggle-born?" Sirius asked James. James shook his head.

"Nah, I'm a Potter."

"Excellent! Here, you'll know how to play exploding snap." Sirius beamed, but couldn't help but feel let-down. Potters were notorious for being sorted into Gryffindor, whereas Blacks, it was always Slytherin… this friendship was going to be short-lived.

After about two minutes of playing, a card exploded. Lily positively shrieked and jumped back in terror, causing all three boys to howl with laughter, breaking Remus away from his book

"Muggle-born, then?" Remus asked Lily through deep breaths, closing his book and deciding to socialise. She nodded faintly in return, recovering herself from that sudden shock. Sirius rolled his eyes.

"Well, what did you expect? _Exploding_ snap- that means they blow up like they just did, see?" He patronized, grinning wildly at her infuriated expression. "You've got a really dull version, you muggles, where the cards stay intact. How boring."

"Don't be tight, they probably think it's a great game," Remus frowned, but was still showing amusement from Lily's reaction in his eyes.

"Yeah, really great!" James enthused sarcastically.

"Top-notch!"

"Spiffing!"

"Oh, leave her alone," Remus grinned, but jerked his head to show that she had gone very pale and her fists were clenched. The two other boys nodded once, and left her alone whilst they chatted animatedly about their ideas of Hogwarts. A fourth boy joined the compartment, and announced that he was called Peter. He too joined in the conversation about Hogwarts, and it wasn't long before the train started to move and they drove into the depths of the countryside.

"Mum was telling me all sorts," James grinned. "There're ghosts, you know! And there's the forbidden forest, too, I can't wait to go check it out. There're unicorns in there, and centaurs! I bet there're vampires in there, too. We absolutely must go and check it out."

"It's _forbidden,"_ Remus sighed, exasperated.

"So?" Sirius shot at him. "I'm up for it!"

"Me too," Peter gabbled quickly. "Should be interesting… I bet there are salamanders…"

"Are you thick?" James gawked. "They are made of _fire,_ Pete, why the hell would living _fire _creatures run around a forest?"

All four of them laughed, even Peter upon realising his stupidity.

"We'll probably get eaten by a werewolf though," Sirius sighed. "Best stay out, just in case."

"Dear Merlin, I'd hate to run into a werewolf," James' shuddered. "What a nightmare…"

"I hope we arrive soon," Remus spoke suddenly, looking very pale.

"Mum told me it takes hours," James said. "You feeling sick or something?" Remus nodded.

"Ah, cheer up. The trolley should be here soon."

"How will eating more food make him feel any better? You moron,"

"Shut up Sirius," James frowned and threw a card at him, which exploded in his hair.

Roaring with laughter at Sirius' reaction to the exploding card, the four of them didn't notice another first year slip into their compartment, with a pointed nose and greasy black hair. He was speaking to Lily before James picked up on a simple sentence;

"You'd better be in Slytherin,"

"Slytherin?" He queried, turning around from Sirius' singed hair and staring at the new addition to the group. His eyes were feasting upon Lily's face with a fair controlled expression; James felt instantly annoyed with him. "Who wants to be in Slytherin?" He jeered, dragging the boy's attention away from Lily, determined to humiliate the boy. The boy's eyes were very black and very cold, but this didn't stop James from continuing with, "I think I'd leave, wouldn't you?"

Expecting a jeer from his new friend, he was surprised to see Sirius remaining solemn.

"My whole family have been in Slytherin," He sighed. He had been dreading this conversation; the inevitable break up. He was going into a house all the others loathed, to be stuck with prejudiced morons for the next seven years. James, Peter and Remus all looked aghast.

"Blimey, and I thought you seemed alright!" James gasped.

"Maybe I'll break the tradition," He added hopefully, grinning at the thought of his mothers' face if she found out her own son was a Gryffindor. "Where are you heading, if you've got the choice?"

"_Gryffindor, where dwell the brave at heart!_" The boy chanted in response, pretending to raise an invisible sword, earning himself a few chuckles from his friends. However, the black haired boy scoffed. Drawing his attention back to said boy, James' eyes narrowed.

"Got a problem with that?"

"No," He sneered. "If you'd rather be brawny than brainy-"

"Where're you hoping to go, seeing as you're neither?" Cut across Sirius. All four boys roared with laughter at the comment, and Sirius felt pleased that despite knowing his family had all been placed in Slytherin, their attitudes toward him hadn't changed. Lily seemed to have had enough with them, for she stood up angrily.

"Come on, Severus, let's find another compartment," She snapped, glaring at Sirius and James.

"Oooooo…" Sirius imitated her lofty voice, and James stuck out his foot in hopes of tripping up 'Severus'.

"See ya, Snivellus!" Peter shouted at him, and the three boys roared with laughter at the new nickname… Peter looked pleased at having earned himself a few laughs…

* * *

"_PETTIGREW_!"

Breaking away from my trance, I realised I had been screaming the whole way through my reminiscence. My throat felt hoarse from yelling and I craved a drink, but I felt disgusted at the water bowl shoved by the cage doors. Repulsing that memory, I sipped at the dirty water, vowing that if I ever came across a time-turner, I would turn back to my first day at Hogwarts and slam the compartment door onto Peter Pettigrew's face.


End file.
